Had a very wealthy wife.
Thanks to Teresa's money,
Liveshot had a cushy life.
(to the tune of "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer" - or, if you prefer, "Teddy the Red-nosed Senator"!)
Our senior senator, J. F. "Don't-you-know-who-I-am" Kerry, a.k.a. "Liveshot", "Lurch", "Lovey", etc. takes a back seat to nobody when it comes to self-aggrandizement, so it was no surprise to see that he came in #1 on Slate Magazine's "Vanity Index" of the biggest egos in the U.S. Senate. Apparently his "ego wall", photos of the subject with various celebs, was a full (horse-faced) head and shoulders above anyone else's.
(Wonder if there was a shapshot of him with Pope Pius XXIII?)
Hey, he might be a lousy senator and he'd sure have been a lousy president, but everyone's good at something. Self-advertisement is Liveshot's talent, and he's not shy about it!
29 October 2010
This is no time for humility!
Can I call 'em or what?
Time magazine seems to agree with me on the likelihood of Madam ex-Speaker's retirement once the dust settles from the Dem debacle; they even posit that her reason will be the grandchildren! So far nothing about the jet to transport her boodle back to San Fran.
Apparently this little blog is read far and wide, even by members of the MSM. Just think, you regulars can say you knew the Archlaic when he was a nobody!
Hope the rest of my prognostications are as accurate!
Time magazine seems to agree with me on the likelihood of Madam ex-Speaker's retirement once the dust settles from the Dem debacle; they even posit that her reason will be the grandchildren! So far nothing about the jet to transport her boodle back to San Fran.
Apparently this little blog is read far and wide, even by members of the MSM. Just think, you regulars can say you knew the Archlaic when he was a nobody!
Hope the rest of my prognostications are as accurate!
26 October 2010
In which The Archlaic predicts
One week to go until Election Day. And-oh-by-the-way the World Series starts tomorrow night. The Archlaic found himself in a prognosticative mood today, herewith some predictions on current events:
- House: The G.O.P.gains 55+ seats for a 31 seat majority. Nancy Pelosi will resign her seat in the House to “spend more time with the grandchildren” and then demand use of a government jet to ship her goods back home.
- Senate: The G.O.P. gains 9 seats, thereby resulting in a technical Republican “majority”of 2. The 48 Democrats will claim it is a “tie” because the one socialist member and the one independent member caucus with them, then they will claim that since the Vice President casts the tie-breaking vote on matters before the Senate they are entitled to retain (at least) a majority of chairmanships and also a majority of the memberships of committees. The media will side with the Democrats.
- Massachusetts: Governor’s race will require a recount. Perry will beat Keating by 5 points. Barney will eke out a win over Sean Bielat and be typically ingracious in victory. The surprise of the night will come in the 6th District…
- Rhode Island: John Loughlin will defeat David Cicilline by a very narrow margin. The ProJo will be beside themselves.
- Tea Party triumph that the media will attempt to explain away: Sharron Angle beating Majority Leader Harry Reid in Nevada.
- Tea Party defeat that the media will trumpet day and night: Christine O’Donnell’s loss to Chris Coons in Delaware.
- Story the MSM will attempt to ignore: Marco Rubio's win in Flroida
- Stock Market: the Dow will go up by at least 350 points on Wednesday 3 November!
- World Series: I’ll hedge and say that whomever wins Game 1 will win the series in seven. Both teams have good starting pitching, Texas has a better lineup but the Giants have a better bullpen. Since postseason series usually come down to the bullpen, if I *had* to bet one way or the other I’d say the Giants in seven.
25 October 2010
Paranoid?
Even during his presidency, and especially after his resignation, Richard Nixon was depicted by the MSM as paranoid. For goodness sake, the man had an "enemies list"! But he's a minor leaguer compared to our community-organizer-in-chief, who regularly blames "Republican obstruction" on his inability to pass certain legislation despite the fact that the his Democrat party has had a majority of both houses of Congress for every single day of his preseidency - so far anyway.
Today he referred to those who disagree with his - B. H. Obama's - version of "immigration reform", i.e. AMNESTY, as "enemies":
"And if Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, we're gonna punish our enemies and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us, if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder — and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2"
And how demeaning is it that he blithely makes the assumption that if someone is of Latino, what, ancestry? origin? heritage? their minds have been made up for them by The Messiah and the Democrat party?
Next Tuesday cannot come soon enough. 2012 cannot come soon enough. This man is far too radical to be president of the United States and it's becoming increasingly apparent that he's incompetent as well; frankly he's becoming an embarrassment.
I don't know how much the nation can take, but I can't take much more of it myself - I feel a Howard Dean primal scream coming on: YAAARRRGGGHHH!
Oh oh, here come some of those nice people here at the "undisclosed secure location", the ones with white coats! Gotta go now!
Today he referred to those who disagree with his - B. H. Obama's - version of "immigration reform", i.e. AMNESTY, as "enemies":
"And if Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, we're gonna punish our enemies and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us, if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder — and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2"
And how demeaning is it that he blithely makes the assumption that if someone is of Latino, what, ancestry? origin? heritage? their minds have been made up for them by The Messiah and the Democrat party?
Next Tuesday cannot come soon enough. 2012 cannot come soon enough. This man is far too radical to be president of the United States and it's becoming increasingly apparent that he's incompetent as well; frankly he's becoming an embarrassment.
I don't know how much the nation can take, but I can't take much more of it myself - I feel a Howard Dean primal scream coming on: YAAARRRGGGHHH!
Oh oh, here come some of those nice people here at the "undisclosed secure location", the ones with white coats! Gotta go now!
23 October 2010
Barney's Immortal Soul
Archbishop Fulton Sheen was probably the foremost Catholic evangelist in American history. In addition to reaching millions through his long-running radio and television programs he was also known to make direct approaches, in person or by telephone, to famous non-Catholics. He usually got right to the point:
"There's something I'd like to talk to you about"
"What would that be, Bishop Sheen?"
"Your immortal soul!"
On numerous occasions his audacious approach led to that person's conversion and reception into the Church. Some notable examples are famed Jewish violinist and composer Fritz Kreisler, agnostic journalist Heywood Broun, and actress, author, and congresswoman Clare Boothe Luce.
Of course there are very few who have the perfect combination of gifts to carry off such in-your-face evangelization. Sheen's years on radio and television had made him a national celebrity, while this provided an easy entree to many public figures it took far more than Sheen's sparkling personality to lead these souls to conversion. Sheen was extremely well-educated and possessed of a significant intellect but he also had the graces and indelible charisms of his sacerdotal and episcopal ordinations. And he knew where his real power came from: he invariably made a holy hour every single day!
There aren't many like him, but we could use a few these days.
I have a hunch that if Sheen were alive today, and in the fullness of his powers, one of the public figures who might receive such a phone call is Massachusetts congressman Barney Frank.
We cannot, of course, judge Barney's soul; but we are certainly expected to take account of his public actions and outward demeanor. From these we can legitimately draw the conclusion that his soul would seem to be in great jeopardy. And, like the rest of us, he's certainly not getting any younger. For years I've despised his politics and scandalous lifestyle but I've recently begun to remember him in my prayers. Jesus told us to pray for our enemies and in the sense that his politics and lifestyle are inimical to ours I think this is fully warranted.
(I also pray for his political defeat, so he'll have plenty of free time to contemplate greater issues!)
I hope I don't sound too much like the Pharisee (as in "the Pharisee and the Publican" in Luke 18), heaven knows I have my own sins to atone for.
Anyway, the late Archbishop is properly titled "Servant of God Fulton Sheen", his cause for canonization having been opened in 2002. As you probably know, one of the prerequisites for canonization is an authenticated miracle, and I can think of few earthly events more likely to be acknowledged as supernatural and miraclulous than Congressman Frank's true and public conversion to the Catholic Faith. Perhaps we should all begin directing our prayers to this great Servant of God, Archbishop Fulton Sheen, for this intention.
"There's something I'd like to talk to you about"
"What would that be, Bishop Sheen?"
"Your immortal soul!"
On numerous occasions his audacious approach led to that person's conversion and reception into the Church. Some notable examples are famed Jewish violinist and composer Fritz Kreisler, agnostic journalist Heywood Broun, and actress, author, and congresswoman Clare Boothe Luce.
Of course there are very few who have the perfect combination of gifts to carry off such in-your-face evangelization. Sheen's years on radio and television had made him a national celebrity, while this provided an easy entree to many public figures it took far more than Sheen's sparkling personality to lead these souls to conversion. Sheen was extremely well-educated and possessed of a significant intellect but he also had the graces and indelible charisms of his sacerdotal and episcopal ordinations. And he knew where his real power came from: he invariably made a holy hour every single day!
There aren't many like him, but we could use a few these days.
I have a hunch that if Sheen were alive today, and in the fullness of his powers, one of the public figures who might receive such a phone call is Massachusetts congressman Barney Frank.
We cannot, of course, judge Barney's soul; but we are certainly expected to take account of his public actions and outward demeanor. From these we can legitimately draw the conclusion that his soul would seem to be in great jeopardy. And, like the rest of us, he's certainly not getting any younger. For years I've despised his politics and scandalous lifestyle but I've recently begun to remember him in my prayers. Jesus told us to pray for our enemies and in the sense that his politics and lifestyle are inimical to ours I think this is fully warranted.
(I also pray for his political defeat, so he'll have plenty of free time to contemplate greater issues!)
I hope I don't sound too much like the Pharisee (as in "the Pharisee and the Publican" in Luke 18), heaven knows I have my own sins to atone for.
Anyway, the late Archbishop is properly titled "Servant of God Fulton Sheen", his cause for canonization having been opened in 2002. As you probably know, one of the prerequisites for canonization is an authenticated miracle, and I can think of few earthly events more likely to be acknowledged as supernatural and miraclulous than Congressman Frank's true and public conversion to the Catholic Faith. Perhaps we should all begin directing our prayers to this great Servant of God, Archbishop Fulton Sheen, for this intention.
20 October 2010
A Molina Sighting!
Tuesday night the Texas Rangers trailed the Yankees 3-2 in the sixth inning of Game 4 of the A.L.C.S. The mercurial and enigmatic A.J. Burnett was within one out of his first quality start in months when the Rangers unveiled their secret weapon, Benjie Molina.
The senior member of the famed "Catching Molinas" strode to the plate and immediately deposited a badly-aimed Burnett fastball into the left field stands for a three-run homer. 5-3, Rangers, and 50,000 New Yorkers silenced and stunned. As Curt Schilling once said, to be able to do that is a great feeling. Speaking of great feelings, that homer sparked a 10-3 Texas victory which gave them a 3-1 series lead.
With Game 5 this afternoon in the reproduction Yankee Stadium the Rangers had a chance to continue their momentum and close out the series. Unfortunately, their manager appears to be a somewhat unobservant man, and he obviously possesses little intuition. With a chance to clinch the series and a lefthander on the mound for the Yankees he left Molina on the bench and started his other catcher.
Is anyone surprised that New York won to stay alive and send the series back to Arlington?
One can only hope that mistake isn't repeated on Friday night!
(Even when the Sox aren't it it, there's always a reason to watch postseason baseball. And there's usually a Molina involved...)
The senior member of the famed "Catching Molinas" strode to the plate and immediately deposited a badly-aimed Burnett fastball into the left field stands for a three-run homer. 5-3, Rangers, and 50,000 New Yorkers silenced and stunned. As Curt Schilling once said, to be able to do that is a great feeling. Speaking of great feelings, that homer sparked a 10-3 Texas victory which gave them a 3-1 series lead.
With Game 5 this afternoon in the reproduction Yankee Stadium the Rangers had a chance to continue their momentum and close out the series. Unfortunately, their manager appears to be a somewhat unobservant man, and he obviously possesses little intuition. With a chance to clinch the series and a lefthander on the mound for the Yankees he left Molina on the bench and started his other catcher.
Is anyone surprised that New York won to stay alive and send the series back to Arlington?
One can only hope that mistake isn't repeated on Friday night!
(Even when the Sox aren't it it, there's always a reason to watch postseason baseball. And there's usually a Molina involved...)
19 October 2010
More from Martin Mosebach
I have been recommending Martin Mosebach's book "The Heresy of Formlessness" to all sentient Catholics, and especially priests, since I read it a couple of years ago. I have even given a copy to one bishop as a present. Mosebach, a novelist rather than a liturgist or theologian, has some amazingly good insights which go a long way toward helping the average Catholic understand the importance of the liturgy and, not incidentally, the relationship between the liturgical chaos of the past forty-something years and the disintegration of Catholic belief and practice in so many regions.
Mr. Mosebach recently spoke at a liturgy conference in the Archdiocese of Columbo (in Sri Lanka), whose incumbent is the redoubtable Archbishop Malcolm Ranjith. Mosebach's talk, entitled "The Old Roman Missal: Loss and Rediscovery" is well worth reading, and may be especially interesting for those who have not yet had a chance to read his book.
By the way, for those who are not famililar with Archbishop Ranjith, he is a man to watch in the Catholic Church. Most knowledgeable churchmen expect him to be named a cardinal very soon, and eventually to return to Rome in some high post.
Mr. Mosebach recently spoke at a liturgy conference in the Archdiocese of Columbo (in Sri Lanka), whose incumbent is the redoubtable Archbishop Malcolm Ranjith. Mosebach's talk, entitled "The Old Roman Missal: Loss and Rediscovery" is well worth reading, and may be especially interesting for those who have not yet had a chance to read his book.
By the way, for those who are not famililar with Archbishop Ranjith, he is a man to watch in the Catholic Church. Most knowledgeable churchmen expect him to be named a cardinal very soon, and eventually to return to Rome in some high post.
18 October 2010
Jobs Americans Won't Do...
One of the more interesting phenomena of the past few years has been the absolutely mindless adulation which our bien pensant friends in Europe have showered upon the man-god B.H. Obama. Now I don't think much of their opinion in most matters, food and wine being the most obvious exceptions. Fortunately there are some pockets of sanity, most notably in the former Soviet satellites of Eastern Europe.
Over the weekend a few people mailed me a quote which has been rocketing around the Internet:
“The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president.
"The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America . Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince.
The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a ltitude of fools such as those who made him their president.”
I have been unable to source this, most references are a bit vague, e.g. "a reader of Prager Zeitung, a German language newspaper published in Prague". My first thought was that Vaclav Havel must be a subscriber to that paper, such was the directness and sensibility of the comment.
Think about it for a second: what the anonymous writer says is true. The American people, or at least some of them, have committed a nearly unpardonable dereliction of duty by voting for an unqualified and virtually unknown celebrity hologram. Nobody of stature on the American political or journalistic scene has really put it into such terms, except perhaps Rush Limbaugh who is neither a politician or a journalist but a unique cultural force. It has taken an unknown Czech to give voice to the blunt condemnation which is in the minds of more and more Americans each day.
The complicity of the media is absolute. MSM opinion journalists have recently started commenting on the lack of vetting Obama received prior to his election, but it's hard o believe that they can do this with a straight face. If they'd done their job during the primary season instead of devoting their time to the parentage of Trig Palin or John McCain's liver spots the American public would have had some of this information in time to possibly make a difference.
The obtuseness of the MSM - intentional or otherwise - is stunning. There has recently been a spate of articles explaining how Obama has "grown" in office or "grown into the job"; from the sound of them one might imagine that he was either a midget or an adolescent instead of the demigod their authors were perfervidly swooning over just two years ago. "The Education of a President", which recently appeared in the New York Times Magazine, is typical of the genre. While a good deal of it is sweet pablum and soft blue floodlights, there are a few bits of useful information in it. For instance we're privileged to learn of this "Light dawning over Marblehead" moment, as the president suddenly realizes that "[T]here’s no such thing as shovel-ready projects" after several fruitless rounds of stimulus spending.
Wow. Big of him to notice. This from the man who insisted repeatedly, for months on end in 2009, that by funding "shovel-ready projects" he'd put America back to work and end the recession. Except that it was b.s. He either lied, or - more likely - had no idea what he was talking about. This more than anything else, even including his politics, is the problem. His policies are wildly unpopular, but they are also spectactularly ineffective. America has survived bad policy and pad leadership before, but the critical thinking vacuum that has resulted in The Barack Obama Experiement poses a clear and present danger to the future of our nation.
We can't fully rectify our mistake for another two years, but in two weeks we'll have a chance to fit him for a political straitjacket which will enable sane adults to check his excesses, its possible that we may even force him to acknowledge reality and attempt to govern in a fashion more palatable to thinking Americans.
Over the weekend a few people mailed me a quote which has been rocketing around the Internet:
“The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president.
"The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America . Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince.
The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a ltitude of fools such as those who made him their president.”
I have been unable to source this, most references are a bit vague, e.g. "a reader of Prager Zeitung, a German language newspaper published in Prague". My first thought was that Vaclav Havel must be a subscriber to that paper, such was the directness and sensibility of the comment.
Think about it for a second: what the anonymous writer says is true. The American people, or at least some of them, have committed a nearly unpardonable dereliction of duty by voting for an unqualified and virtually unknown celebrity hologram. Nobody of stature on the American political or journalistic scene has really put it into such terms, except perhaps Rush Limbaugh who is neither a politician or a journalist but a unique cultural force. It has taken an unknown Czech to give voice to the blunt condemnation which is in the minds of more and more Americans each day.
The complicity of the media is absolute. MSM opinion journalists have recently started commenting on the lack of vetting Obama received prior to his election, but it's hard o believe that they can do this with a straight face. If they'd done their job during the primary season instead of devoting their time to the parentage of Trig Palin or John McCain's liver spots the American public would have had some of this information in time to possibly make a difference.
The obtuseness of the MSM - intentional or otherwise - is stunning. There has recently been a spate of articles explaining how Obama has "grown" in office or "grown into the job"; from the sound of them one might imagine that he was either a midget or an adolescent instead of the demigod their authors were perfervidly swooning over just two years ago. "The Education of a President", which recently appeared in the New York Times Magazine, is typical of the genre. While a good deal of it is sweet pablum and soft blue floodlights, there are a few bits of useful information in it. For instance we're privileged to learn of this "Light dawning over Marblehead" moment, as the president suddenly realizes that "[T]here’s no such thing as shovel-ready projects" after several fruitless rounds of stimulus spending.
Wow. Big of him to notice. This from the man who insisted repeatedly, for months on end in 2009, that by funding "shovel-ready projects" he'd put America back to work and end the recession. Except that it was b.s. He either lied, or - more likely - had no idea what he was talking about. This more than anything else, even including his politics, is the problem. His policies are wildly unpopular, but they are also spectactularly ineffective. America has survived bad policy and pad leadership before, but the critical thinking vacuum that has resulted in The Barack Obama Experiement poses a clear and present danger to the future of our nation.
We can't fully rectify our mistake for another two years, but in two weeks we'll have a chance to fit him for a political straitjacket which will enable sane adults to check his excesses, its possible that we may even force him to acknowledge reality and attempt to govern in a fashion more palatable to thinking Americans.
11 October 2010
Where's Waldo The Archlaic?
The blogosphere has been a-twitter lately regarding the unexplained absence of The Archlaic from these precincts. Rumors have abounded, and scores of anxious messages have been received from well-wishers. As such it was felt necessary to issue an official statement from the Archlaical Seat, and we are privileged to be able to offer a brief interview with His Magnitude as well.
I (an unworthy Archpeon) am pleased to report that His Magnitude The Archlaic is alive and well albeit in an undisclosed location. For reasons of security, as well as the sensitive nature of the matters to which he is devoting his time and energies, it has been unwise for him to make any public comments in this forum for the past month, he Archlaic remais hopeful that the crisis will soon abate and that he will be able to rejoin us in the very near future.
Herewith the transcript of a brief conversation I had with His Magnitude just the other day:
Key: Ap= the Archpeon, Al = His Magnitude the Archlaic of North Carver
Ap: Your Magnitude,one or two a great many of your loyal subjects readers have expressed befuddlement grave concern over your recent absence. What can you tell them to reassure them?
Al: I appreciate their concerns but it'snone of their damn business where I am right now necessary that my present whereabouts here in "the undisclosed secure location" remain undisclosed for reasons of security. I can say that my absence involves a highly sensitive matter of great importance which - I'm sure my subjects friends would agree if I were free to disclose any further info - is highly important and terribly sensitive.
Ap: Can you tell us which of your realms of influence this great and sensitive matter concerns?
Al: Sorry, not a chance. It's far too important and sensitive.
Ap: Your Magnitude, there have been rumors that you are unwell, can you put those to rest?
Al: Hogwash! I've never felt better in my life. The doctors here are wonderful and the food is actually quite good, if a bit grey. I've been getting a great deal of sleep and they even gave me a stylish new jacket. But for some reason they keep telling me the wrong time for "Happy Hour"...
Ap: Umm, er, Archlaic, Your Magnitude, does your absence have anything to do with politics?
Al: Sorry, it would be rather impolitic of me to comment on that.
Ap: Well then, can you tell us whether it pertains to an ecclesiastical matter?
Al: The only way I could tell you that is if you were wearing a collar and a purple stole!
Ap: I see. I know you have good reason for your reticence in this matter, but inquiring minds want to know.
Al: What can I tell you, some things are best kept out of the public eye.
Ap: What about the Archlady, is she aware of your whereabouts?
Al: Good heavens, man, that's an extraordinarily silly question. "She Who Must Be Obeyed" knows ALL!
Ap: Sorry, maybe we ought to change tacks: has this got something, perhaps, to do with the Red Sox?
Al: That, at least, is a slightly more intelligent and plausible question!
Ap: But you haven't answered it...
Al: How dare you address my exalted person in such an irreverent manner, you ignorant peon!
Ap: Begging your pardon, Your Magnitude, ARCH-peon; and I naturally thought...
Al: My absence is not in any way related to the Boston American League Baseball Club, nor the National Pastime itself...
Ap: Again, Your Most Magnanimous Magnitude, I humbly apologize...
Al: As I was saying, I had a lengthy conversation the other day with Dan Duquette and Jimy Williams...
Ap: Most fascinating, Your Magnitude...
Al: Indeed. We were in complete agreement on the way forward for this team.
Ap: Way forward, your magnitude?
Al: Yes, we were all in agreement that Martinez needs to pitch deeper into games, and that this Ortiz character will never be more than a platoon player. I also suggested they consider a "bullpen-by-committee"...
Ap: Duquette and Williams? Are theyinmates too staying somewhere near the undisclosed location?
Al: You know I can't comment on that. I've already said too much! Although I will say that I still have my doubts about this "Designated Hitter" fad...
Ap: Perhaps, then, you can comment on the persistent rumor that you're writing a book?
Al: Who told you that? Where did they get that information? Has it made the papers?
Ap: It's just a rumor, Your Magnitude...
Al: Well, I can understand why people would think that a man of my eloquence would be writing a book...
Ap: Anyway, when can we expect you back?
Al: In due course, perhaps afterthe election the onset of Daylight Saving Time, but meanwhile...
Ap: Yes, Your Magnitude?
Al: As I was saying, I now have a secure link so I'll be able to transmit posts more regularly from now on.
Ap: Wonderful news. I know this has been very hard on you. We look forward to your return.
Al : Thank you, and thanks toboth of all of my loyal subjects readers.
I (an unworthy Archpeon) am pleased to report that His Magnitude The Archlaic is alive and well albeit in an undisclosed location. For reasons of security, as well as the sensitive nature of the matters to which he is devoting his time and energies, it has been unwise for him to make any public comments in this forum for the past month, he Archlaic remais hopeful that the crisis will soon abate and that he will be able to rejoin us in the very near future.
Herewith the transcript of a brief conversation I had with His Magnitude just the other day:
Key: Ap= the Archpeon, Al = His Magnitude the Archlaic of North Carver
Ap: Your Magnitude,
Al: I appreciate their concerns but it's
Ap: Can you tell us which of your realms of influence this great and sensitive matter concerns?
Al: Sorry, not a chance. It's far too important and sensitive.
Ap: Your Magnitude, there have been rumors that you are unwell, can you put those to rest?
Al: Hogwash! I've never felt better in my life. The doctors here are wonderful and the food is actually quite good, if a bit grey. I've been getting a great deal of sleep and they even gave me a stylish new jacket. But for some reason they keep telling me the wrong time for "Happy Hour"...
Ap: Umm, er, Archlaic, Your Magnitude, does your absence have anything to do with politics?
Al: Sorry, it would be rather impolitic of me to comment on that.
Ap: Well then, can you tell us whether it pertains to an ecclesiastical matter?
Al: The only way I could tell you that is if you were wearing a collar and a purple stole!
Ap: I see. I know you have good reason for your reticence in this matter, but inquiring minds want to know.
Al: What can I tell you, some things are best kept out of the public eye.
Ap: What about the Archlady, is she aware of your whereabouts?
Al: Good heavens, man, that's an extraordinarily silly question. "She Who Must Be Obeyed" knows ALL!
Ap: Sorry, maybe we ought to change tacks: has this got something, perhaps, to do with the Red Sox?
Al: That, at least, is a slightly more intelligent and plausible question!
Ap: But you haven't answered it...
Al: How dare you address my exalted person in such an irreverent manner, you ignorant peon!
Ap: Begging your pardon, Your Magnitude, ARCH-peon; and I naturally thought...
Al: My absence is not in any way related to the Boston American League Baseball Club, nor the National Pastime itself...
Ap: Again, Your Most Magnanimous Magnitude, I humbly apologize...
Al: As I was saying, I had a lengthy conversation the other day with Dan Duquette and Jimy Williams...
Ap: Most fascinating, Your Magnitude...
Al: Indeed. We were in complete agreement on the way forward for this team.
Ap: Way forward, your magnitude?
Al: Yes, we were all in agreement that Martinez needs to pitch deeper into games, and that this Ortiz character will never be more than a platoon player. I also suggested they consider a "bullpen-by-committee"...
Ap: Duquette and Williams? Are they
Al: You know I can't comment on that. I've already said too much! Although I will say that I still have my doubts about this "Designated Hitter" fad...
Ap: Perhaps, then, you can comment on the persistent rumor that you're writing a book?
Al: Who told you that? Where did they get that information? Has it made the papers?
Ap: It's just a rumor, Your Magnitude...
Al: Well, I can understand why people would think that a man of my eloquence would be writing a book...
Ap: Anyway, when can we expect you back?
Al: In due course, perhaps after
Ap: Yes, Your Magnitude?
Al: As I was saying, I now have a secure link so I'll be able to transmit posts more regularly from now on.
Ap: Wonderful news. I know this has been very hard on you. We look forward to your return.
Al : Thank you, and thanks to
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