Where's Waldo The Archlaic?

The blogosphere has been a-twitter lately regarding the unexplained absence of The Archlaic from these precincts.  Rumors have abounded, and scores of anxious messages have been received from well-wishers.  As such it was felt necessary to issue an official statement from the Archlaical Seat, and we are privileged to be able to offer a brief interview with His Magnitude as well.

I (an unworthy Archpeon) am pleased to report that His Magnitude The Archlaic is alive and well albeit in an undisclosed location.  For reasons of security, as well as the sensitive nature of the matters to which he is devoting his time and energies, it has been unwise for him to make any public comments in this forum for the past month, he Archlaic remais hopeful that the crisis will soon abate and that he will be able to rejoin us in the very near future.

Herewith the transcript of a brief conversation I had with His Magnitude just the other day:

Key: Ap= the Archpeon, Al = His Magnitude the Archlaic of North Carver

Ap: Your Magnitude, one or two a great many of your loyal subjects readers have expressed befuddlement grave concern over your recent absence.  What can you tell them to reassure them? 


Al: I appreciate their concerns but it's none of their damn business where I am right now necessary that my present whereabouts here in "the undisclosed secure location" remain undisclosed for reasons of security.  I can say that my absence involves a highly sensitive matter of great importance which - I'm sure my subjects friends would agree if I were free to disclose any further info - is highly important and terribly sensitive.


Ap: Can you tell us which of your realms of influence this great and sensitive matter concerns?


Al: Sorry, not a chance.  It's far too important and sensitive.


Ap: Your Magnitude, there have been rumors that you are unwell, can you put those to rest?


Al: Hogwash!  I've never felt better in my life.  The doctors here are wonderful and the food is actually quite good, if a bit grey.  I've been getting a great deal of sleep and they even gave me a stylish new jacket.  But for some reason they keep telling me the wrong time for "Happy Hour"...


Ap: Umm, er, Archlaic, Your Magnitude, does your absence have anything to do with politics?


Al: Sorry, it would be rather impolitic of me to comment on that.


Ap: Well then, can you tell us whether it pertains to an ecclesiastical matter?


Al: The only way I could tell you that is if you were wearing a collar and a purple stole!


Ap: I see.  I know you have good reason for your reticence in this matter, but inquiring minds want to know.


Al: What can I tell you, some things are best kept out of the public eye.


Ap: What about the Archlady, is she aware of your whereabouts?


Al: Good heavens, man, that's an extraordinarily silly question.  "She Who Must Be Obeyed" knows ALL!


Ap: Sorry, maybe we ought to change tacks: has this got something, perhaps, to do with the Red Sox?


Al: That, at least, is a slightly more intelligent and plausible question!


Ap: But you haven't answered it...


Al: How dare you address my exalted person in such an irreverent manner, you ignorant peon!


Ap: Begging your pardon, Your Magnitude, ARCH-peon; and I naturally thought...


Al: My absence is not in any way related to the Boston American League Baseball Club, nor the National Pastime itself...


Ap: Again, Your Most Magnanimous Magnitude, I humbly apologize...


Al: As I was saying, I had a lengthy conversation the other day with Dan Duquette and Jimy Williams...


Ap: Most fascinating, Your Magnitude...


Al: Indeed.  We were in complete agreement on the way forward for this team. 


Ap: Way forward, your magnitude?


Al: Yes, we were all in agreement that Martinez needs to pitch deeper into games, and that this Ortiz character will never be more than a platoon player.  I also suggested they consider a "bullpen-by-committee"...


Ap: Duquette and Williams?  Are they inmates too staying somewhere near the undisclosed location? 


Al: You know I can't comment on that.  I've already said too much!  Although I will say that I still have my doubts about this "Designated Hitter" fad...


Ap: Perhaps, then, you can comment on the persistent rumor that you're writing a book?


Al: Who told you that?  Where did they get that information?  Has it made the papers?


Ap: It's just a rumor, Your Magnitude...


Al: Well, I can understand why people would think that a man of my eloquence would be writing a book...


Ap: Anyway, when can we expect you back?


Al: In due course, perhaps after the election the onset of Daylight Saving Time, but meanwhile...


Ap: Yes, Your Magnitude? 


Al: As I was saying, I now have a secure link so I'll be able to transmit posts more regularly from now on.


Ap: Wonderful news.  I know this has been very hard on you.  We look forward to your return.


Al : Thank you, and thanks to both of all of my loyal subjects readers.