I've been hankerin' for a good old-fashioned solemn high fisking and when I heard some bits of The Messiah'a presser yesterday I thought I had a winner; alas, after reviewing the fulll text of his remarks I realized that they were far too lengthy for a less-than-book-length fisking.
But - since this is politics - perhaps I can take some items out-of-context and coment on them rather than the whole megillah. So without further ado:
THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon, everybody. Last night I had a chance to speak to the leaders of the House and the Senate and reached out to those who had both won and lost in both parties. I told John Boehner and Mitch McConnell that I look forward to working with them. [Like I look forward to a root canal] And I thanked Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid for their extraordinary leadership over the last two years. ["Extraordinary" indeed. Just as the decisions made by the captain of the Titanic were "extraordinary"]
Over the last few months I've had the opportunity to travel around the country and meet people where they live and where they work, from backyards to factory floors. I did some talking, [and wasn't I brilliant? And eloquent?] but mostly I did a lot of listening. [to myself. Nobody else knows what it's like to be me!] And yesterday’s vote confirmed what I've heard from folks all across America: People are frustrated -- they’re deeply frustrated -- with the pace of our economic recovery and the opportunities that they hope for their children and their grandchildren. [Bush had eight years to screw things up, how do they expect me to fix it all in just two years?] They want jobs to come back faster, they want paychecks to go further, and they want the ability to give their children the same chances and opportunities as they’ve had in life. [They're bitter clingers, obsessed with their guns and their religion and their enemies and their petty hatreds.]
The men and women who sent us here don't expect Washington to solve all their problems. [Well, actually the ones who sent me here DO expect that, but I can't say it publicly.] But they do expect Washington to work for them, not against them. [Their hands are out - palms up!] They want to know that their tax dollars are being spent wisely, not wasted, and that we're not going to leave our children a legacy of debt. [Of course it's a little too late for that, they should have thought of that in 2008.} They want to know that their voices aren’t being drowned out by a sea of lobbyists and special interests and partisan bickering. They want business to be done here openly and honestly. [Again, they should have thought about that in 2008!]
Now, I ran for this office to tackle these challenges and give voice to the concerns of everyday people. [because I'm smarter than everyone else. Figured I'd sweep into town and solve these problems and win re-election by acclamation.] Over the last two years, we’ve made progress. But, clearly, too many Americans haven’t felt that progress yet, [it's their fault, WE have made the progress but THEY haven't felt it! Don't you understand?] and they told us that yesterday. [It was a temper tantrum.] And as President, I take responsibility for that. [I'm only saying that because I have to sound contrite.]
What yesterday also told us is that no one party will be able to dictate where we go from here, [even though we just spent the last two years shoving unpopular legislation down the nation's throat without any Republican votes.] that we must find common ground in order to set -- in order to make progress on some uncommonly difficult challenges. And I told John Boehner and Mitch McConnell last night I am very eager to sit down with members of both parties and figure out how we can move forward together. [Now that partisan is out, I want to be bipartisan, or at least give the MSM a chance to claim I am...]
I’m not suggesting this will be easy. I won’t pretend that we will be able to bridge every difference or solve every disagreement. [But now that I can't have it ALL my way I'll settle for half - what's unfair about that?]
...
And with so much at stake, what the American people don’t want from us, especially here in Washington, is to spend the next two years refighting the political battles of the last two. [In other words, hands-off Obamacare! We can let the Bush tax cuts expire, and repeal anything else we dodn't like, but don't you dare touch anything WE'VE done!] We just had a tough election. We will have another in 2012. [Unless you ignorate proles figure it out by then.] I’m not so naïve as to think that everybody will put politics aside until then, but I do hope to make progress on the very serious problems facing us right now. And that’s going to require all of us, including me, to work harder at building consensus. {the 2012 Campaign starts tomorrow, I'm gonna have to criss-cross the whole country and spoon-feed it to to you thick-headed provincial noodniks so you understand how much you need all this stuff we're doing for you!]
...
You know, a little over a month ago, we held a town hall meeting in Richmond, Virginia. And one of the most telling questions came from a small business owner who runs a tree care firm. [Let's not talk about the woman who was tired of defending me.] He told me how hard he works and how busy he was; [and I told him how hard *I* worked and how busy *I* was,] how he doesn’t have time to pay attention to all the back-and-forth in Washington. And he asked, is there hope for us returning to civility in our discourse, to a healthy legislative process, so as I strap on the boots again tomorrow, I know that you guys got it under control? It’s hard to have a faith in that right now, he said. [So you see, the problem is that the Republicans aren't civil enough. This is beautiful - I'm half-way to turning America into a supersized Sweden and these people are still stupid enough to worry about "civility".
I do believe there is hope for civility. [I love this talk about "civility", keep it up!] I do believe there’s hope for progress. And that’s because I believe in the resiliency of a nation that’s bounced back from much worse than what we’re going through right now -- a nation that's overcome war and depression, that has been made more perfect in our struggle for individual rights and individual freedoms. [We survived Carter and two years of me, now that's resiliency!]
Each time progress has come slowly and even painfully, but progress has always come -- because we’ve worked at it and because we’ve believed in it, [and used parliamentary tricks, and traded pork for votes, and gotten the activist courts to decree what we never could have enacted legislatively,] and most of all, because we remembered that our first allegiance as citizens is not to party or region or faction, but to country -- because while we may be proud Democrats or proud Republicans, we are prouder to be Americans. [as long as we're Democrats]
And that's something that we all need to remember right now and in the coming months. [Listen to me, you unwashed cretins!] And if we do, I have no doubt that we will continue this nation’s long journey towards a better future. [Led on the shining path to a glorious workers' paradise by Barack the Benevolent. Someday you will all appreciate me!]
There's plenty more fodder in The Messiah's answers to the questions, maybe I can get to those tomorrow......
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